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Here's what this month's newsletter has to offer:
1. About this Newsletter
2. "Hi!" from Gail
3. Key distinction of the month - Giraffe honesty vs/ Jackal Honesty
4. NYNVC Recommends...
5. Quote of the month
6. Upcoming events INVITATIONS!
7. What is NVC?
8. New community feedback
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ABOUT THIS NEWSLETTER - Welcome!
In this newsletter you'll find keys to deepen your NVC study
and practice, as well as information about upcoming
opportunities to NVC in community! Let's play! What
would *you* like to see in this newsletter?
Would you like others to know about your NVC event?
Post your event FREE at the Yahoo group EastCoastNVC (go to Yahoo,
login, click GROUPS, then search for EastCoastNVC, click the group,
then JOIN.)
Would you like your offering shared in the newsletter?
Humorous quotes sought!
Email your funny quote + a 20-25 word description of your offering,
including a link where we can find more information, to:
info@nynvc.org
Would you like your business shared in the newsletter?
Event Locations sought!
Receive free advertising in exchange for hosting our event(s)!
============================================
MESSAGE FROM GAIL -
Hello again! This month is so exciting to me - this is the month
talk is brewing about Marshall Rosenberg returning to NY
for only the 2nd time in over 20 years!!
In preparation for his arrival, I will be offering a number of introductory
workshops and phone sessions. Details will be posted on the
website as soon as I have them. If you'd like to help coordinate an
In other celebrations, I'd like to officially and with utter joy
thank the "percolators team", the group in Amherst Massachusettes
for the invitation to help you support your work toward sharing
NVC consciousness with friends, family, and the community at large.
Thank you for all the accolades and rave reviews! With more than
20 of us in the room, it was an exciting journey of learning, crying,
and playing together! I'm so excited about the learning we shared!
If you'd like to collaborate toward creating an NVC intro or
a deepening skills event, let me know!
Meanwhile, with warm wishes for abundant joy and growth
toward our coming spring...
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KEY DISTINCTION OF THE MONTH
Giraffe Honesty vs/ Jackal Honesty
or, as Kelly Bryson says, "Don't be Nice, be Real"
Do you know any "nice, dead" people? Have you
ever wished you could find a way to speak your mind
while at the same time trust that what you say will
keep peace with the other? When you practice NVC,
do you find it difficult to 'get through the model' in
a way that you trust you're really heard?
In Compassionate Communication (tm), we make a
distinction between speaking (1) a truth full of my own
judgement, assessments, or evaluations, and speaking (2)
a truth about my feelings, my needs in this moment,
and my request for what I'd like that would attend to
my needs in this moment.
So if I'm speaking "jackal honesty", I might say,
"Man, your breath really smells." This may be very true
in my opinion, but if I express myself this way,
will my opinion land, and will it keep peace? I imagine
it's likely that expressing my judgment will inspire
defensiveness in the other and I won't be so deeply heard.
Instead, in "giraffe honesty", we might speak our mind
including:
1. my brief (5 words only!!) observation
Ex: when I heard you say
"...."
Ex: when I smelled your breath
2. my emotion, in brief
Ex: I felt frustrated
Ex: I was shocked
3. the need *I* have that is unmet (the cause of my emotion)
Ex: because I need to be
trusted
Ex: because I wasn't
comfortable with the smell
4 and at the speed of lightening, a request for what
contribute to my need getting attended to right now
Ex: could you tell me how you
feel hearing this?
Ex: would you like a peice of
gum?
If you'd like a more colloquial way of speaking, drop
the word "feeling" and replace the word "need" with
something else (I want, I value, I prefer, I long for...),
and finally, aim for "as concise as possible":
Ex: Hey man, standing next to
you I was shocked
smelling your breath. Would you like some gum?
An expression of my own experience, coupled with
an immediately doable request, may support not only
my own needs getting attended to, but may also ease
the difficulty for the other, by making it easy to solve.
In the breath example, the gum may bring immediate
relief, but in NVC we also prioritize the connection
that happens when we talk with each other.
So if I'm worried my comment might stimulate pain
in the other, I might slow it down by first connecting
with the other (connection request), then move later
to a solution request.
Ex: Hey man, standing
next to you I was shocked
smelling your breath. I'm nervous to tell you this
because
I care about you and our relationship.
Can you
tell me, does it bother you to hear me
tell
you this?
Two tips to help support our connection:
- 40 words or less - K.I.S.Sweetie
- At the speed of lightening, come up with a request
that will support your desires RIGHT NOW.
For even more effectiveness and ease, try to come up
with 5 requests before you speak. Then, if you hear a
'no' to one request, you still have 4 to choose from!
Requests can be solution-oriented, can be connection-
oriented, can be oriented around checking our assumptions,
or can even be requests-for-help-because-I-can't-think-of-
a-request-right-now.
And if you find that the waters get bumpy:
Empathy
Empathy
Empathy
(for me, and for the other)
Worst case scenario, with authentic expression (that is
also compassionate), we can support "real and alive"
relationships that are fuelling, intimate, connections
from the heart that also honor the fullness of who WE are.
============================================
QUOTE OF THE MONTH
Leaders dare to speak questions that stimulate change,
and set an emotional context where that exploration can happen.
============================================
NYNVC Recommends:
Integral Coaching for Coaches and Wellness Practitioners -
Looking for new tools, or deeper transformation for
yourself and your clients? Free phone consultation.
Lift Integral Coaching
Toll-free 1.877.535.5438
David Deida - On Sexuality, Spirituality, and Intimacy
NYC, Tues 2/23 is FREE. Wed 2/24 and Thurs 2/25 is
only $35!!!! See how NVC and Deida's work can blend
into a perfect support for personal, spiritual, and
relationship transformation and growth!
Loran Lobdell, The Yoga Studio - Califon NJ
"Come further your connection to personal awareness
and improve your health and vitality as well!"
An NVCer, Loran teaches Ashtanga vinyasa yoga, a physically
demanding form of hatha yoga that combines stretching, strength
training, and controlled breathing. Cultivate a strong body and mind,
face
life with greater ease and openness.
The Alok Holistic Health Center offers support for
body-mind-spirit growth and well being through nutrition
counseling, live-food classes, meditations, yoga, reiki,
massage, holistic parties and events, retreats in exotic
locations, and lots of celebration. For more information visit:
http://www.alokhealth.com
============================================
UPCOMING EVENTS
We have many new and fun events coming up.
Find out the event/s that excite you. For a full
description of an event, please see
www.nynvc.org.
PRACTICE GROUP - TELECIRCLE
Coordinator sought for spring Telecircles!
No experience needed; internet and phone only : )
914.882.9667 after 3/1/04
DANCING IN COMPASSION:
a 2 day Intermediate weekend
Saturday Mar 27 and Sun Mar 28
Troy, PA
REGISTRATION & INFO:
ACHIEVING YOUR CREATIVE VISION
NVC-based workshop for artists, writers, and other
creative people. 4 workshops over 8 weeks
Starting Monday, Mar 29th, 7:30-9:30pm
For info:
BrooklynNVC@aol.com
DANCING IN COMPASSION:
a 2 day Beginner weekend
Saturday April 3 and Sun April 4
Clifton, PA
REGISTRATION & INFO:
MARSHALL'S BACK!!!!
For only the 2nd time in over 20 years, we'd like
to welcome to NYC the founder of Nonviolent Communication,
*** Dr. Marshall Rosenberg! April 12-18. ***
If you're not already on our invitation list, please
email
info@nynvc.org with your email
address and
phone number so that you can be included in updates!
COMMUNICATING WITH HEART-
a 2-hour NVC introduction -
Tuesday May 4th, 7:30
Association of Higher Awareness
COMPASSIONATE COMMUNICATION
ADVANCED INTENSIVE
October 21-24 Four-Day Advanced Training
in Manhasett, New York
For more information about these Advanced Intensives
see
http://www.nvctraininginstitute.com/
or
http://www.nynvc.org/NVCTI.htm
============================================
WHAT IS NVC?
Would you like to -
Be heard and understood?
Respond differently when you’re angry?
Strengthen your relationships at home, in love, at work?
End power struggles and heal unresolved issues?
"Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective
tools to foster health and relationships. This work
connects soul-to-soul, creating a lot of healing."
-- Deepak Chopra, "How to Know God"
"One word that came up ... - Clarity."
-- Venkat G., MD, Manhattan
============================================
NEW COMMUNITY FEEDBACK
From Louise Cox, CT:
"Our nephew decided to base his project
for this past semester's class in religion on
NVC after he heard us talk about it this
summer. He's a junior in HS….
He and his partner worked all semester
and for their presentation they began by
him asking her for the poster ( this is all in
the plans…) and she 'forgetting' it and he
started jackaling her!! Then they switched
to NVC and he did it again….. then they
brought out the poster and presented and
even made their own sox puppets of a
giraffe and jackal!!
That is only part of it.,.. besides getting A++,
when he talked of his partner it was only 'his
partner'. He is very intelligent and not too
experienced in the social realm Hey,
are
most 16 yr. boys?
Well, on the phone last week, when his mother
got off, he lowered his voice and with
animated excitement told us that his partner
is Mary and she is now his girlfriend!! He
was
beaming!! If you can beam on the
phone!
What a lovely way to begin a friendship.
I guess if you learn how to honestly communicate,
share what is alive in you and listen to what is
alive in another, most anything can
happen…"
Thank you, Louise!
Would you like your feedback included?
============================================
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