Here's what this month's newsletter has to offer:
1. About this
Newsletter
2. "Hi!" from Gail
3. Key distinction of the month - NVC in the
face of criticism
4. NYNVC Recommends...
5. Quote of the month
6.
Upcoming events INVITATIONS!
7. What is NVC?
8. New community
feedback
============================================
ABOUT THIS
NEWSLETTER - Welcome!
In this newsletter you'll find keys to deepen your NVC study
and
practice, as well as information about upcoming
opportunities to NVC in
community!
Hopefully this will provide a fun resource for ongoing study
and
practice! Let's play! What would *you* like to see in this
newsletter?
Would you like others to know about your NVC event?
Post your event FREE at the Yahoo group EastCoastNVC (go to Yahoo,
login, click GROUPS, then search for EastCoastNVC, click the group,
then
JOIN.)
Would you like your offering shared in the newsletter?
Humorous quotes sought!
Email your funny quote + a 20-25 word description of your offering,
including a link where we can find more information, to:
info@nynvc.org
Would you like your business shared in the newsletter?
Event Locations sought!
Receive free advertising in exchange for hosting our event(s)!
============================================
MESSAGE FROM GAIL
-
Hi everyone! I'm excited and moved by the number of emails I
received
expressing appreciation for the last newsletter.
Thank you!
With the MA, Rochester and CA trainings this month, I'll be away
from
home a bit more than usual, so if you'd like to reach me, please
try me after
the 27th by phone - 914.882.9667 or by email after Feb1.
Request for Love for.....
For those of you who know her, Gail Epstein (Boston) will be going
for
surgery on Wed, January 14th from 9am-12ish; I'd love the hope
and
companionship of many of us each sending 5 minutes of healing
light and love
in her direction that morning. Would you be up for joining
me in supporting
her this way? Jan 14th, anytime between 9am-12pm.
I understand she'd also enjoy calls for companionship during her
recovery from Jan 19 until Feb 2nd. : )
Wishing you an abundant, healthy, and delightful New Year,
============================================
KEY DISTINCTION OF
THE MONTH
NVC in the face of criticism, or,
Eliciting
Observation (vs/ observation mixed with evaluation)
and "Don't Hear What
Others Think About You."
Does the thought of hearing, "Don't pull that NVC crap on me!"
send you
running for the hills emotionally? Do you find it hard
to keep your "giraffe ears" on in the face of blame, criticism,
diagnosis, evaluation, or other hard-to-hear messages?
If you're nervous about expressing from the heart in these
situations, and you'd like more confidence and ease:
What do we do with hard to hear messages? Do we take
the words to
heart, then try to defend ourselves? Do we
shut down in hopes of protecting
ourselves from the pain?
Rather than getting triggered or upset, the more present
we can be in
these moments, the more likely we'll be able
to elicit compassion where
there wasn't any previously.
As Marshall Rosenberg says,
"Don't hear what other people think about you."
To build presence, try finding the feelings and needs of
that
moment (both yours and those in the speaker), and if
you need help, ask for
the pure observations that stimulated
the speaker.
Here are a few exercises to help build presence, to help uncover
observations, and to help us build confidence around receiving
hard-to-hear messages:
PRACTICING SILENT EMPATHY
1. Write down a hard-to-hear message, such as,
"Don't pull
that NVC crap on me."
2. Empathy outward --
Try to translate the hard-to-hear message into an empathic guess:
- what
observation might the other be trying to talk about? Be
sure to write down
only specific quotes, or specific actions that could
be recorded on a video
camera; just the facts, the "what actually
happened".
- what feelings and
needs might the other be trying
to express? If you can't guess the other's
feelings or needs, try
looking at a feelings and needs inventory sheet (you
can download
one from
http://www.nynvc.org).
3. Empathy Inward --
Try to support yourself with self-empathy. What feelings
and what needs came up in you when you heard that
message? If you can't easily identify them, try the inventory
sheet.
4. Sit 15 seconds with your own needs and how much you
long for them.
5. Sit 15 seconds with the universality and
beauty of the feelings and needs you guessed in the other.
After this 30 seconds, see if you find yourself in a more
centered, empathic space.
SELF-EXPRESSION TO ELICIT OBSERVATIONS
1. Write down a hard-to-hear
message, such as, "Don't pull
that NVC crap on me."
2. Try writing down a feeling, need, and request (a
self-expression
from the heart) that will help you get to the observation and
empathy.
Ex: "I'm confused, I'd like to better understand what
specifically I did or said that you didn't like. Could you tell me,
was
it the words I used, or was it something else?"
3. When you're comfortable making requests to elicit observations,
try
one in a challenging moment. The idea isn't that your guess
"be accurate";
the idea is just to reach for heart connection
over evaluation.
4. Try following your new understanding with empathy:
"So when you
heard those words, were you irritated
because you'd like authenticity?" If
you can't guess the other's
feelings or needs, try looking at a needs inventory sheet
By tickling the pure observation out from an evaluation, judgement,
criticism, blame, diagnosis, or other hard-to-hear messages, we can
connect more directly to the life in ourselves and in others. We
can
also strengthen our muscle to not "hear what others think about us"
by looking for the feelings and needs alive in all of us, instead.
============================================
QUOTE OF THE MONTH
Knock Knock
Who's there !
Yoga !
Yoga who ?
Yoga what it
takes !
============================================
NYNVC
Recommends:
Loran Lobdell, The Yoga Studio - Califon NJ
"Come further your connection to personal awareness
and improve your
health and vitality as well!"
An NVCer, Loran teaches Ashtanga vinyasa yoga,
a physically
demanding form of hatha yoga that combines stretching, strength
training, and controlled breathing. Cultivate a strong body and mind, face
life with greater ease and openness.
The Alok Holistic Health Center offers support
for
body-mind-spirit growth and well being through nutrition
counseling,
live-food classes, meditations, yoga, reiki,
massage, holistic parties and
events, retreats in exotic
locations, and lots of celebration. For more
information visit:
http://www.alokhealth.com
Integral Coaching -
Do you know people who are feeling "stuck", or
who are at a crossroads
in their lives? Are you?
Relief, strategies, and shifts in just a few hours!
Free phone consultation. Lift Integral Coaching
Toll-free 1.877.535.5438
Julio Olalla - On Leadership
NYC, Friday Feb 13 8:30am-5:00pm
Issues relevant to business, leaders, community leaders,
and leaders of our own lives. Challenges our basic
assumptions about power and leadership in order to
generate a more viable future. $295.
For info call 914.882.9667 the following days only:
Jan 16-19, after Jan 25th
============================================
UPCOMING EVENTS
We have many new and fun events coming up.
Find out the event/s that
excite you. For a full
description of an event, please see
www.nynvc.org .
PRACTICE GROUP - TELECIRCLE
NVC Skill-building. Increase your NVC
mastery & integration!
6 weeks
Thursdays starting January 29
$25
pay-per-session OR
$125 for the set (gives you 1 session FREE)
For info
see
http://www.nynvc.org (click TELECIRCLES
on left)
DANCING IN COMPASSION 1 -
a full-day hands-on NVC introduction -
a
play date. Saturday, Feb 28 1pm-6pm
NJ location to be posted around
1/19
http://www.nynvc.org (click WORKSHOPS
on left)
INTERMEDIATE - DANCING IN COMPASSION:
a full-day hands-on
Intermediate-level -
play date with NVC
Sunday, Feb 29
NJ location to
be posted around 1/19
http://www.nynvc.org
(click WORKSHOPS on left)
For only the 2nd time in over 20 years, we'd like
to welcome to NYC the
founder of Nonviolent Communication,
*** Dr. Marshall Rosenberg! April
14-18. ***
If you're not already on our invitation list, please
email
info@nynvc.org with your email address and
phone number so that you can be included in updates!
============================================
WHAT IS
NVC?
Would you like to -
Be heard and understood?
Respond differently
when you’re angry?
Strengthen your relationships at home, in love, at work?
End power struggles and heal unresolved issues?
"Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective
tools to foster
health and relationships. This work
connects soul-to-soul, creating a lot
of healing."
-- Deepak Chopra, "How to Know God"
"One word that came up ... - Clarity."
-- Venkat G., MD,
Manhattan
============================================
NEW COMMUNITY
FEEDBACK
"I've not seen options around this [problem] for years. This
is a
really big thing for me to see options where I've not seen
them before."
Virginia Kellogg, Coach
"Our string quartet, Ethel, has been lucky enough to
invite Gail Taylor
to coach us in Nonviolent Communication,
and it has turned into one of our
greatest opportunities, ever...
We would urge anyone with the chance to work
with Gail to
embrace it as a tremendous privilege and life-enhancing
opportunity, not to be missed!!" Dorothy Lawson, Musician
============================================
Thanks for reading.
Thanks for allowing us to share with you.
Always happy to hear your feedback.
Feel free to forward this newsletter to people you
think could benefit
from it.
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