Welcome to the May 2004
NYNVC Newsletter
http://www.NYnvc.org
Here's what this month's newsletter has to offer:
1. About this Newsletter
2. "Hi!" from Gail
3. What is NVC?
4. Upcoming events INVITATIONS!
5. Key distinction of the month - Life-connected vs/Life-alienated
6. NYNVC Recommends...
7. Quote of the month
8. New community feedback
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ABOUT THIS NEWSLETTER - Welcome!
In this newsletter you'll find keys to deepen your NVC study
and practice, as well as information about upcoming
opportunities to NVC in community! Let's play! What
would *you* like to see in this newsletter?
Newsletter Archives Now Online!
Would you like to see past issues of the Newsletter? Go to:
http://www.nynvc.org/newsletters
or click ARCHIVES from the
left side of our homepage.
Would you like others to know about your NVC event?
Post your event FREE at the Yahoo group EastCoastNVC (go to Yahoo,
login, click GROUPS, then search for EastCoastNVC, click the group,
then JOIN.)
Would you like your offering shared in the newsletter?
Humorous quotes sought!
Email your funny quote + a 20-25 word description of your offering,
including a link where we can find more information, to:
info@nynvc.org
Would you like your business advertised in the newsletter?
Event Locations and Coordinators sought!
Receive free advertising in exchange for hosting NVC event(s)!
For info email
info@nynvc.org
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MESSAGE FROM GAIL -
Yowza!!! What a day it is in the neighborhood!
The days are getting warmer! (Mmmmm comforrrrt purrrr)
THREE New TeleCircles are launching!
New practice groups are opening everywhere - even in Brooklyn!!
Certified trainer Miki Kashtan is returning!
The Deida + NVC community is growing! David's here this month!
The Peace Is Possible Campaign is off-and-running!
There's never been a better day to be studying NVC than today.
"Better", that is, if your definition of better includes more
friends to play with, more opportunities, and more ways to
deepen your mastery and integration!
This month my inner work has been around mourning the death of
one of my (and the NY area's) formative NVC mentors - Julie Greene.
I was shocked at how I learned I respond to "endings", I retreated,
into a kind of silent denial. It's so much easier to think about
other things, to stay occupied with something else. To not
"be"
there. Yet, Julie's utter presence called for a deep authenticity,
challenging all of us to step into the full vulnerability of the
moment. To the last, Julie's actions spoke to me the power of one
of her last quotes:
"There is nothing that says you have to wait even one minute
longer."
So this month I wonder - what keeps me from fully being who I can be
in each moment? What stories do we tell ourselves that keep us locked
into little boxes, keeping compassion and life and love from flowing
through us as fully as we are capable of letting it? What habits,
phrases, and stories do we as a culture share that keep the box in
place? What if we could let down the fences AND find a way to bring
the safety, care, and tenderness we all need?
Julie, thank you for the gift of liberation your modelling has been
for me, and for the gift your very being in the world has been for
those of us around you.
I'm glad to have had the opportunity to thank her in person; I'd like
to invite all of us to bid her Farewell and to thank her in our own
ways for the gifts she's brought us. A moment?
And to invite us to Julie's legacy - to open our hearts to 1 person,
today, who (alive now) may enjoy us openly sharing our gratitude, our
appreciation, or our love for them.
And to invite us to enjoy even our kinks! We all have our edges,
wrinkles and warts; I hope this newsletter will help us all find
new ways to "Be Kinky Together" - to allow space for us all to have
our learning edges AND live and love - in community - along with
them. Vive embracing the shadow!
A Dieu, dear Julie! Thank you for the push our last conversation
gave me before you left!
Let's grieve, let's play, let's commune, let's Be....
And now...let's "on" to the rest of the show.
With warmth and appreciation for all of you,
Gail
--------
Gail Taylor - NYNVC Coordinator and Trainer
gail@nynvc.org
LIFT Integral Coach
www.liftintegralcoaching.com
============================================
WHAT IS NVC?
Would you like to -
Be heard and understood?
Respond differently when you’re angry?
Strengthen your relationships at home, in love, at work?
End power struggles and heal unresolved issues?
"Marshall Rosenberg provides us with the most effective
tools to foster health and relationships. This work
connects soul-to-soul, creating a lot of healing."
-- Deepak Chopra, "How to Know God"
"One word that came up ... - Clarity."
-- Venkat G., MD, Manhattan
For more information:
www.nynvc.org
www.cnvc.org
www.nonviolentcommunication.com
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UPCOMING EVENTS - YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO LEAVE HOME!!!
We have many new and fun events coming up, including
many that you can participate in right from the comfort
of your own home or office, on your schedule!!!
90 MINUTE "WHAT IS NVC" INTRO - BY PHONE - $25
Want an introduction to Compassionate Communication, but
not finding time in your schedule? These 90-minute
conference calls may give you the learning and enjoyment
without the commute!
--- Wed May 12 8:30pmEDT
--- Thur May 27 7:30pmEDT
For info, or to register for a call, email your phone
number to
charlotte@nynvc.org.
NEW PRACTICE GROUP -- PARK SLOPE, NY -- FREE
Thursdays 7:00 sharp! Beginning Thur. May 13, 2004.
Location TBA; please call for info. We'll practice
using Lucy Leu's workbook, which corresponds to Marshall's
book. To order Lucy Leu's workbook or Marshal Rosenberg's
NVC book, call NYnvc (914) 882-9667 or email
gail@NYnvc.org
To join this group, contact Practice Group Coordinator -
Michael Shell
artazma@yaho.com 917.447.6633
INTEGRATING, LIVING, AND MASTERING PEACEFUL COMMUNICATION
MAY 15-16, Washington Heights, NY near GWB, Manhattan.
--- Saturday May 15 - 10:30am-4:30pm. $85-65
Full-day introductory NVC, including hands-on skill-building,
play, practice, and discussion.
--- Sunday May 16 - 10:30am-4:30pm. $85-65
Full-day intermediate/advanced NVC, including 40 key
distinctions, enjoying challenging people, dealing with
anger, hearing and saying "no" in giraffe.
To reserve a seat for these workshops, call 914.882.9667
or email your contact information and request to
info@nynvc.org
3 NEW TELECIRCLES OPENING!!!! HAWAII, CANADA, EVERYONE WELCOME!
Practice, have fun, meet friends, learn -- all by phone!
Combination Skill-Building Group / Empathy Group in the
shape of a conference call. Choose your preferred group:
--- Thurs Night Group - 6 Thursdays at 9pmEDT:
May 13, May 27, June 3, June 17, June 24, July 1
--- Mon Night Group - 6 Mondays at 7pmEDT
May 31, June 7, June 21, June 28, July 12, July 19
--- Wed Daytime Group - 6 Wednesdays at 12noonEDT
June 2, June 9, June 30, July 7, July 14, July 21
More circles will open monthly! To request one, send your
day/time availability and phone number to
info@nynvc.org
"WHAT'S A TELECIRCLE?" FREE Q&A CONFERENCE CALLS
Have you considered a TeleCircle but you're not sure?
Would you like to know what a TeleCircle is? Would you
like to experience one? Join us for one of our FREE
dates to answer your questions and give you a feel
for it!
--- Wed May 12 8:30pmEDT
--- Thur May 13 7pmEDT
--- Fri May 14 12pmEDT
--- Mon May 24 9pmEDT
--- Fri June 18 12noonEDT
To register for one of these FREE calls,
email your phone number and request to
charlotte@nynvc.org
MORE TELECIRCLES FORMING MONTHLY
CANADA, CA, HAWAII, EVERYONE WELCOME!
- Negotiate difficult issues with ease!
- Integrate key NVC skills! Deepen your understanding!
- Master the 40 Key Distinctions!
To be included, please email your DAY / TIME availabilities to
info@nynvc.org
PEACE IS POSSIBLE CAMPAIGN
Join our team to play together, heal money wounds, and
help CNVC connect with new donors! As a part of this
campaign, I will give 2 hours of FREE NVC coaching around
money-wounds to the next 4 people who join and tell
Lynn "Gail sent me". Cc-me when you email her. For info
you can reach Lynn at:
lynnmcmullen@hungersummit.org
SAVE THE DATES!!!!
Certified Trainer Miki Kashtan is coming for an
intensive retreat, to be held in CT, from Sept. 17-21.
This is a rare opportunity to experience total
immersion in an NVC community, and to fully deepen
your own integration (through osmosis!). For info,
contact Lorili Henry at
suvandana7@optonline.net
MASSACHUSETTS - COMPASSIONATE COMMUNICATION
for AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS with Rachelle Lamb
May 28-31, 2004 - Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health
Lenox, Massachusetts 1-800-741-7353
http://www.kripalu.org/programs/selfdesc/CCAR.shtml
============================================
KEY DISTINCTION OF THE MONTH
Life-connected vs/ Life-alienated
Why do you go to work each morning?
Why do you wake up in the morning when you do?
Why do you pay taxes?
In this moment, why are you reading this article?
When we look at the energy in our thoughts, choices,
actions, and assessments of the world, do we live
in service of life, or alienated from it?
In Compassionate Communication (tm), I would describe
these two concepts this way:
Life-connected - related to the deeper needs;
connected to a sense of how we are enriching life;
derived from a desire to contribute to a particular
domain of well-being.
Life-alienated - related to a judgment (good if I do,
bad if I don't, right, wrong); related to fear
(of punishment, disapproval, shame, etc.);
connected to a "have to", "should", "ought to",
"must"; derived from a desire for reward, or
in hopes I'll be loved better if I do it; in denial
of responsibility ("I can't help it"; "they told me to")
So what the heck does this mean?
Ok, so it's time to get up in the morning. Why do
I get up at 8am rather than sleeping in until 11am?
How would you reply?
- "Oh, because I have to!"
- "Well if I don't, my boss'll fire me."
- "If I don't get up and make my kids breakfast,
I'm a bad mother!"
- "I can't do anything about it; that's what my family does."
- "It's wrong to sleep in until 11am!"
OR
- "I get up at 8am because I like the space I get
in the morning."
- "I get up because I want to support my spouse."
- "If I wake up at 8am I can spend time with my kids."
- "I like the way my schedule contributes to my
health."
In the first set of replies, I'm concerned that the
motives behind the action are fear, or avoiding the
pain of judgement, or hopelessness about personal
power, or moralistic judgements about who we "are".
When we make choices out of these motives, or when
we create environments filled with them, I believe
we all pay for it in the end. Employees who go to
work from this motive grow resentful and unwilling
to contribute to quality work. Children who perform
out of "comply or else" environments become apathetic,
rebellious teenagers. Behind every burned-out parent,
service employee, and exploding post-office worker is
a culture of "I have no choice in the matter."
On the other hand, what if we make choices and
create and cultivate environments out of a clear,
conscious connection to the way our choices contribute
to life?
In the second set of replies, I am more confident
that the motives behind waking up at 8am are coming
from a choiceful, conscious act of wanting to
enrich life, a deliberate and clear consciousness
around how my choices can enrich my or others'
wellbeing.
How can we shift our thoughts, actions, and choices
so that they stem from a life-connected, rather than
a life-alienated, consciousness?
I hope these practices will enrich your effectiveness!
PRACTICE ONE - WHERE DO MY CHOICES COME FROM?
1. Name a task you do that you enjoy.
2. Try to name 1, or 2, or 3 universal needs that you
enjoy fulfilling (aspects of life that you are
trying to enrich) by making this choice. (For a list
of universal needs, go to
http://www.nynvc.org
and
click NEEDS INVENTORY).
3. Now, name a task you do that you do NOT enjoy.
4. What are the reasons you tell yourself for why
you do this? Are your reasons life-connected, or
life-alienated?
5. Everything we do (even acts we may later regret)
are attempts to meet a beautiful need. For each of
the reasons you listed in #4, check the needs list
and try to identify what universal need you're trying
to meet there.
One question that helps me get to a life-serving
consciousness is to ask, "If I got that, what part of
my life would that enrich?"
For example:
Task - I go to work
Reason - Because I have to.
I see this as a life-alienated choice, by definition.
What needs am I trying to meet? Well, I don't want
to get fired.
If I didn't get fired what part of my life would that
enrich?
I want to support my family.
Ahhhhh, so the universal need here is a desire for
support, for financial stability.
(Now, you may still choose to go to work, but the
consciousness behind it has shifted. The motive
you understand behind your choice is now entirely
different. Or, you may choose to quit going to
work at this location and find another place to go
that you enjoy better, maybe one that ALSO contributes
to your peace of mind and creativity.)
PRACTICE TWO - MOMENTS OF POWER
1.Where in your life do you have power? Are you a
parent? Boss? Director telling yourself to do a
particular task that you don't really want to do?
2. Name a task you have asked or told another to do.
Ex:
Parent: told my son to take out the garbage
Boss: told my staff to meet Tues at 5pm.
Me: told myself to go on a diet.
3. What are the reasons you gave for why you wanted
this?
Ex:
Parent: told him do it because I told him to.
Boss: I didn't give a reason; they're employees.
Me: told myself I'm fat and need to lose weight.
4. Can you find a life-connected expression of
why you wanted this done? Try to find one need from
the needs sheet that you are trying to contribute to
for yourself or someone else by asking for this
task to get done.
Ex:
Parent: I value order around the house.
Boss: This meeting will support clarity of information.
Me: If I lose weight, I'll enjoy my body more.
By shifting our consciousness to a place where we
choose, act, think, and speak from a life-connected
awareness rather than a life-alienated one, we can
increase our enjoyment of life, reduce stress,
and increase the likelihood of eliciting compassion
and support from others even in situations where
it may not have appeared possible previously!
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QUOTE OF THE MONTH
"I treasure the gift Julie gave me by sharing herself so fully,
and modeling conscious dying as a natural extension
of conscious living."
Gail Epstein
============================================
NYNVC Recommends:
Emotional Healing thru Integral Coaching -
Looking for immediate and long-term release and relief?
Free 1hr phone consultation.
Lift Integral Coaching
Toll-free 1.877.535.5438
http://www.liftintegralcoaching.com
David Deida - Omega May 20-23. Rhinebeck NY
The Sexual Body and the Yoga of Light
I have studied and practiced David's work in tandem with NVC,
and love the way David's body- and heart-opening practices
wonderfully compliment NVC study.
If you have desires to:
- deepen your intimacy
- attract and keep the kinds of relationships you want
- experience the merging of spirituality and intimacy
then register (rec'v a 10% discount by telling them
that NYNVC sent you)
http://www.eomega.org
or call toll-free 800.944.1001
registration@eomega.org
I'll be there, I highly recommend this extraordinary experience!!! --
Gail
The Alok Holistic Health Center offers support for
body-mind-spirit growth and well being through nutrition
counseling, live-food classes, meditations, yoga, reiki,
massage, holistic parties and events, retreats in exotic
locations, and lots of celebration. For more information visit:
http://www.alokhealth.com
============================================
NEW COMMUNITY FEEDBACK
"Dynamic exercises, excellent presentation, fun -
very useful for helping me communicate with my family."
BF, New Jersey
"Very uplifting!"
LR, NJ
"Gail, I am SO excited about the owrk we are doing,
and it is helping become whole like nothing else
has before!" LD, Manhattan
Would you like your feedback included?
Email your submission to
info@nynvc.org
============================================
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Thanks for allowing us to share with you.
Always happy to hear your feedback.
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Copyright (c) 2004 LIFT International. All rights reserved.